This week I watched the Amy Winehouse documentary, Amy. To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I felt so connected to a story of someone I never even knew. I think this was a film made to make you feel sympathetic to an incredibly talented woman who was deeply misunderstood, but I couldn’t help but see myself in some of that footage.
I always loved Amy’s voice and I loved her lyrics but I never realized just how funny she was. She seemed to have this brutal honesty to her humor that I identified with as a girl who girl up in New York/New Jersey. I found myself laughing out loud to the side comments she made; even the late night messages she left on friend’s phones were just so endearing. Even though she could bare her soul through music and art and had no problem telling it like it was, there was still this shyness about her. I could feel that circle around her I’ve come to know so well. This circle that only has room for special people and once you’re in the circle you’re always in the circle.
There was a beautiful sense of humility you saw in her eyes when someone she respected and looked up to enjoyed her work. As crass as she could be, you could still see flashes of innocence of feeling appreciated by the people whose art had affected her.
Fame didn’t seem important to her. Music was what was important and she spoke about how success to her was playing when she wanted to, writing what she wanted to and being able to perform with the people she wanted to. I think she was much happier singing to an intimate group instead of singing to a large stadium. As I watched her I thought, “That’s me!” I don’t need to be in front of thousands of people, I don’t need to be interviewed or be on the cover of a magazine I just want to bare my soul on stage to a small audience and hopefully they walk away with something. Maybe that’s why she was so so funny too because there was no filter about anything she felt be it heartbreak or someone’s crappy pop song.
It was clear from the beginning of the movie that Amy just wanted to be loved. She didn’t need it from thousands of people, but she desperately needed it from the select few people she let in to that inner most circle. That’s the irony isn’t it? You could have a billion people pounding at your door just to tell you how much they love you, but it doesn’t make up for not getting the love from the people you truly want it from.
It’s no secret that I’ve had a trying year. A miserable year in fact, but I count my blessings that every day I strive to move forward and refuse to lay down and give up. In the last six months I’ve gained a great deal of respect for people who suffer from different demons. I feel no shame in saying that if I was hard-wired just a little differently my story could have ended like Amy’s. I’m so grateful for my friends and family and that I have the ability to find outlets to manage my pain in healthy ways. If nothing else I can move forward from this year seeing those grieving pockets inside other people’s souls. I can hear those whispered voices in other people’s minds and I can feel that longing desire in others to quiet the pain in any way that comes easily. So, I get it Harry…I can see thestrals now too.
Please go see this movie.( Amy Trailer ) The world would be a better place if we could all try to see ourselves in those who struggle the most in life. The next time you find yourself ready to laugh at someone else’s behavior, I just ask you to stop and remember that if things were just a little different for all of us, we could Amy too.
therealworldofkerri 